Ask Montessa
by The Angry American
Summary: You ever want advice for something to get out of your chest? Well then, it's your chance to ask Monty Monogram and Vanessa Doofenshmirtz any questions you wanna give to them! Whether it's advice, dares or any questions at all, you can be sure they'll come to answer from their loyal fans! Please send your questions to me in PM if you can.
1. Chapter 1

**"Ask Montessa"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: Truth be told, I do not, I repeat, I do not own anything associated with Phineas and Ferb or Disney Channel.**

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_**Introduction**_

The place was Monty Monogram's bedroom. The place had everything you can imagine from a major's son.

There were posters from his favorite action heroes, DVD's of nothing but superhero flicks, a huge video game lineup featuring nothing but fighting games, beat-em-ups and war games, a built-in weight set just in case if he needed to stay fit, and a 3D computer that was clear as his eyes.

Sitting next to the computer was a couple having to set up a webcam. The woman beside Monty had a slim supermodel figure with enchanting sapphire eyes, curvy lips, and such beautiful brown hair. Dressed in nothing but a black coat, leather pants and long leather boots, she sat on his boyfriend's lap. The feeling he had was warm to the touch and it brought out a nice red blush throughout his cheeks.

As the webcam turned on, the couple introduced themselves to those watching at home.

"Hey everyone, this is Monty Monogram!" Monty said to the webcam.

"And of course, I'm his girlfriend, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz." She replied.

"We've been finding out that most of the couples on this show have been coming up with their own ask-question segments," Monty replied. "And I was thinking that we should come up with a little question show of our own. I figured it would be entertaining and fun if we did one together."

"We probably don't have time to explain all of this to you, but you know what to do." Vanessa smiled to the webcam again, "Just send us your questions to us, and we'll do our best to answer them! If we don't get your questions, you can keep sending them in until we read them. It's as simple as that."

"Make sure you follow the rules, and..."

However, Monty was cut off by Vanessa who caressed him in the neck.

"W-whoa..." Monty panted. "Um, Vanessa. Don't you think it would be..."

"Relax, big boy. I got this taken care of." Vanessa smirked.

With that, Vanessa turned off the webcam, only to enjoy this 'private' moment between them.

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**Remember everyone, you can only send in questions PM. Don't even send them in reviews, but you can only send in your questions to both Monty and Vanessa in PM. I don't want to break any rules, nor I plan to.**

**Anyway, do what you have to do. 'Til then, later!**


	2. Chapter 2

**"Ask Montessa"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: Truth be told, I do not, I repeat, I do not own anything associated with Phineas and Ferb or Disney Channel.**

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**Chapter 2**_**  
**_

Monty and Vanessa were busy making out in front of their computer. However, Monty realized that they were being taped on webcam. Realizing this, he tapped Vanessa right on the shoulder.

"Oh, crap," Monty muffled. "Vanessa, turn around, we're on air."

Learning this sudden blunder, Vanessa buttoned back her jacket and blushed.

"Oh um, sorry about that," Vanessa chuckled. "Anyway, welcome to our little Q&A show. As you know, I'm Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, and standing right beside me is my boyfriend, Monty Monogram."

"What's up?" Monty waved to the webcam.

"I would likely go on and brag about me and Monty's everyday life, but as you see, I'm dying to read some letters you fans brought to us, so let's see what we have on our mailbag," Vanessa replied. "Monty, bring out the letters we got."

"Got it, babe." Monty smirked.

Vanessa was hoping that there would be tons of fanmail. But much to her displeasure...

...Monty only managed to bring out three. It wasn't very much to begin with.

"Monty, what's this?" Vanessa raised an eyebrow. "I'm certain we would've had much."

"I'm sorry Vanessa, but this was the only mail we got. And it was from one person." Monty sighed.

"That's it? Just one person?" Vanessa said with her eyes bulging. "I guess we might as well stick to what we got, then..."

Having to get this over with, Monty brought out the first letter in hand.

"Okay, our first letter for today comes from some guy named Yarthayaj'knaushtavdhladleklwa..." Monty muttered out in a confusing way. It was very hard to pronounce the receiver's letter, considering it sounded a little too Swedish, "Okay, the truth is, I couldn't even pronounce this name. Is it Russian or some freakish Greek?"

"I guess we should just call him Yar for short." Vanessa suggested.

"Sounds good. Okay, I think this letter goes out to me," Monty commented, opening the letter. "And Mr. Yar writes..."

**_Dear Monty,_**

**_What would you do to me if I looked at Vanessa in her p***? Keep in mind that I'm autistic?_**

**_Love, Yar_**

This comment seemed to offend Monty quite a bit. He couldn't imagine someone writing him such a sexual letter like that.

"Okay, not to be rude or anything, but I would've kicked your ass in the first place," Monty sternly replied. "First of all, Vanessa only sticks with me to the end. I wouldn't want some pervert staring at my girlfriend like that. She would be embarrassed and then she'd have to go to me. She tell me all about it and then I would bash the guy's face in for staring at her like a horndog. But since you're autistic and such, I'll only give you a little warning since I'm a nice guy. After all, I'm only nice to everyone that's mentally challenged. There's no way I'd do that to someone like you, Mr. Yar. I'm just saying that you should respect our privacy when it comes to these kind of things. But enough about that. Let's go on to the next letter."

Hearing this, Vanessa grabbed another fan letter from the stack.

"Okay, this one's from Mr. Yar. And of course, this letter's from me." Vanessa smirked, opening up the letter with her hands. "From there, Mr. Yar writes to me..."

_**Dear Vanessa,**_

_**Are you emo or goth?**_

"That's pretty much an easy question," Vanessa smiled. "I'm actually emo, considering the outfit that I wear. Like my dad says, it's a mixture of a vampire/pilgrim/scuba diver. Monty likes me like that. But to actually envision me as a goth? I mean with all that makeup and all, I would look a little bit like a clown. So emo's my thing."

"It definitely is." Monty replied, giving Vanessa a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks..." Vanessa blushed at the kiss. "Mind reading that last letter me?"

"Might as well, it's from me anyway," Monty replied, grabbing the last letter from the stack. "Okay, this last one's from Mr. Yar, and he writes to me..."

**_Dear Monty,_**

**_What's your opinion on Ferbella?_**

**_Love, Yar_**

"Hmmm, interesting question," Monty muttered. "I think they would look cute together. I'm not much of a lovey-dovey guy, but have you seen how love-struck Isabella always is when she's close to Phineas? It would be helpful if Phineas understood her feelings instead of ignoring her with these projects of his, which I do enjoy because Vanessa brought me one of their lemonades that Phineas and his brother made..."

While Monty was still talking, Vanessa decided to get frisky by kissing him tenderly by his neck.

"I'm just saying, but maybe Phineas should at least put down what he's doing... and at least... focus on..." Monty moaned a bit because of Vanessa's light kisses. "Um, Vanessa... we shouldn't do this on camera..."

"Just log off already, I'm still in the mood." Vanessa whispered to him.

She was right. After all, it was only three letters that they did. It was perhaps enough for them today.

"Ah, screw this." Monty muttered out, speaking to the webcam firsthand. "Okay, you know the rules, make sure you fans send in more of your letters, blah blah blah. Until next time, I'm out. Peace."

In an act of hesitation, Monty immediately logged off so he could make out more with his girlfriend.

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**Just like every other chapter, any question you have for Monty or Vanessa will only be accepted via Private Messaging. I will not accept questions via reviews because it breaks the rules on this site.**

**However, you're more than welcome to give me feedback on this chapter if you want. I will accept it. ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

**"Ask Montessa"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: Truth be told, I do not, I repeat, I do not own anything associated with Phineas and Ferb or Disney Channel.**

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**Chapter 3**_**  
**_

It was yet again another day at Monty's bedroom. Having no time to waste at all, Monty turned on the webcam and sat down on his leather chair while her girlfriend Vanessa sat on his lap yet again, dying to read some more fanmail.

"How's it going, fans?" Monty greeted everyone. "Monty Monogram here, alongside my girlfriend Vanessa, here for some more questions."

"I'll see what kind of fanmail we got..." Vanessa replied, grabbing the mailsack.

She kept on digging and digging for that first letter. However, she couldn't help but feel their mailbag become a little... light. Oh well, you know what they say, 'The camera adds 15 pounds'. But the mailsack that Vanessa was searching in only weighed like 1 pound.

Somehow, Vanessa checked inside and realized that there was only one letter. With a sigh, she grabbed it and showed it to Monty.

"What? One letter?" Monty said in disbelief. "I swore we had more!"

"Unfortunately," Vanessa sighed again. "This was the only one we got."

Monty couldn't even believe the lack of letters they've recently got.

"Well, you get what you got coming to you..." He muttered. "Anyway, let's get this over with. Our first, and I guess our only letter of the day, comes straight from Anonymous. Let's see what he/she wrote to us."

With his strong hands, Monty ripped up the top of the envelope.

"Okay," Monty sighed. "Anonymous asks us this..."

_**Dear Monty and Vanessa,**_

_**How difficult is it to keep your relationship secret from others? What if they're watching right now?**_

_**Love, Anonymous**_

"Excellent question, Anonymous," Vanessa commented. "It's hard and tough having to keep this relationship secret. I mean, we have to dodge bullets from our fathers every time. If they were watching us on this little show together, then we wouldn't see each other anymore. And that really sucks big time. I mean, we hardly have a moment to ourselves."

"Definitely." Monty nodded, agreeing with Vanessa's opinion. "The only alone time we get is if we sneak out of our houses at night and meet up at a coffee shop, or a movie, or perhaps if she's in the mood, I'd treat her to dinner. The one time we almost got caught was at Vanessa's Halloween party. I was dressed as the Scarlet Pimpernel and she was dressed as a hot vampire queen. I remember the time we slow danced from that incredible song Ferb sang. It was the most awesomest time we've ever had. That was until I ran into this white knight, which seemed to be my dad. I recognized his voice right away, and I had no choice but to leave with my tail between my legs. Nevertheless, it was worth it having to spend that little moment with my girl."

"Awwww..." Vanessa cooed, giving Monty a tender kiss on the lips.

"So, is that it?" Monty raised an eyebrow.

"I think so. There's no letters left to read."

Silence then filled throughout the room. They still had a few minutes of airtime left, and suddenly, both Monty and Vanessa didn't know what to do next.

"So..." Vanessa muttered, trying to break the tension. "How are things?"

"Pretty good..." Monty replied.

Yet, there was still a moment of silence. They were looking to break any time soon because of this patience.

"So, is that raspberry perfume you're wearing?" Monty responded.

"Yeah. I know I don't wear this stuff much, but I kinda dig it." Vanessa replied.

Once again, there was silence.

But somehow, Monty and Vanessa started to shake out of control. Both were having desperate needs after another. It wasn't surprising that either Monty or Vanessa would break soon enough.

After more tender moments of silence...

"Turn the webcam off, I need you..." Vanessa hesitated, getting her jacket off.

"Got it," Monty hesistated as well, focusing on his webcam. "Remember to send your letters. Until next time, I'm out."

After Monty turned off his webcam for the day, he and Vanessa began spending their alone time, _alone_.

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**I'm not gonna lie to you, I only had one letter and that was it. But I'm certain we can do better than that! Don't be afraid to send in your letters to me in Private Messaging. If I happen to see a question in the form of a review, then I can't take it, and that's breaking the site's rules.  
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**_Please_ send in those letters and don't forget to give me feedback on this chapter! ^_^**


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